


(won't you) whisper soft and slow

by qiras



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, author has a banter kink, background poe/finn/rose, sort of public sex in the library oops, with hints of amidala
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-25 23:33:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17130797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiras/pseuds/qiras
Summary: ben solo (phd) is a physics professor at university of chandrila. rey jakkuson is an archivist specializing in historical documents from the 20th century who works at the university's library. they have no reason to run into each other ever-- except that rey is the head archivist for a project with letters from the vietnam war, including letters between anakin skywalker and padmé amidala.





	(won't you) whisper soft and slow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perperuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perperuna/gifts).



> you prompted "Ben Solo is a professor at a University. Once he had to go to one of the department's libraries where normally he's not coming. But there is a really pretty and very nice librarian, so he started going there just to hope that he will find the courage to talk to her," and "Something with e-mails, phones, exchanging mail, postcards, etc," which i combined to come up with this mess. i hope you like it!

**From:** Professor Ben Solo (benjaminsolo@uoc.edu)

 **To:** Rey Jakkuson (reyjakkuson@uoc.edu) 

**Subject:** Vietnam War Letters

Ms. Jakkuson--

I have an interest in the archive of original documents from the second Vietnam War I have been informed is under your care. I would appreciate the opportunity to peruse these documents at a time under your discretion.

Thank you in advance,

Ben Solo, PhD

 

 **From:** Rey Jakkuson (reyjakkuson@uoc.edu)

 **To:** Professor Ben Solo (benjaminsolo@uoc.edu)

 **Subject:** Re: Vietnam War Letters

Professor Solo--

I am available to provide access to the documents Thursday at three p.m. I do hope that will work for you.

Rey Jakkuson, MLIS

 

 **From:** Professor Ben Solo (benjaminsolo@uoc.edu)

 **To:** Rey Jakkuson (reyjakkuson@uoc.edu)

 **Subject:** Re: Re: Vietnam War Letters

Ms. Jakkuson--

That is most agreeable. Thank you.

Ben Solo, PhD

 

Rey looks up from her computer and rolls her eyes. “Ugh.”

“What is it?” Rose laughs.

“Do you know a Professor Ben Solo?” she asks. “Because this guy is either kind of an asshole or unbearably stuffy, judging from his emails...”

Rose winces a little. “Ooh. Yeah. I took Physics 100 from him during undergrad. It was like my second or third semester and it was... rough.”

“Oh, so he’s an asshole.” 

“I didn’t say that,” Rose protests weakly. Rey raises an eyebrow, and Rose sighs. “Look, he was demanding, for sure. It was a hard class, and he was pretty strict. But he wasn’t a bad teacher, really. With asshole-ish tendencies, yes, Rey.”

Rey groans and rolls her eyes again.

“Why are you asking me about Professor Solo?”

“He signs his emails ‘Ben Solo, PhD,’ Rose. That kind of screams asshole.” Rey frowns at her computer like it’s the computer’s fault she’s gonna have to babysit this guy while he looks at old papers. “And he wants to see the soldier letters. From the Vietnam War.”

“He wants to see your babies?”

“Yeah.” Rey forcefully closes the tab with her email open, and she’s not gonna lie, it gives her a little bit of satisfaction to make his name _go away_. “Never mind that he’s evidently a physics professor, so I don’t know what interest he could possibly have in letters between soldiers at the front and the rest of their families, but that’s none of _my_ business.”

Rose snorts. “Is it close to lunchtime or something? You’re sounding a little hangry there, babe.”

“Am not,” Rey pouts. Then she catches herself. “Wow. Okay, maybe it is time for a snack break.”

“Yeah,” Rose nods, “I really think it is. We have some new documents being delivered at three, and we really don’t need you biting anyone’s head off.”

“Yeah, yeah. I haven’t bitten anyone’s head off _to date_ , so I maintain it’s not a _significant_ concern.” Rey stands up and grabs a granola bar from her bag and Rose laughs as she leaves the room.

Rey’s going to have to make sure she eats before Professor Solo comes around. If she’s going to bite anyone’s head off, it would definitely be the guy who signs his emails by listing his degree after his name.

 

 

Three isn’t really a convenient time for Ben, but it doesn’t matter. He has a class today that ends at 2:50, which doesn’t really give him a lot of time to get over to the library, but it doesn’t matter. If he needs to, he’ll let the students leave early. He needs to see the letters, has needed to see them since he found out his grandparents’ letters are there. It’s a strange thing, to find out your family isn’t what you thought it is. It makes you feel like you aren’t who you thought you were, no matter how well you thought you knew yourself. A person’s history makes a difference.

He can’t explain the hunger he has to know, but he has it.

So at three, just as Ms. Jakkuson requested, Ben is in the library. Specifically, he’s in a section of the library he doesn’t know if he’s even ever seen before. There’s a girl standing there, maybe a grad student? She looks too old to be an undergrad, but still fairly young, almost definitely younger than himself by a considerable amount.

Then she turns to him and says, “Are you Professor Solo?” And God, if her face wouldn’t have been enough to knock him on his ass, with those pretty hazel eyes and delicate nose and freckles, her voice is beautiful, sweet, with a pretty English accent.

“Yeah, um, yes, I’m Ben Solo.”

“Nice to meet you.” The girl smiles and extends her hand. “I’m Rey Jakkuson.”

“Oh,” he says dumbly. Rey’s hand hangs in the air for a second too long before he grasps it and shakes it. He hadn’t given any thought to what the archivist over the letters would look like, but if he had, he would’ve guessed someone his own age, maybe a little older, probably more... matronly. He never could have predicted Rey, not in any world. “Nice to meet you too,” he says.

Her smile deepens and shows her dimples, and those dimples hit him right in the knees. Breathing. He has to focus on his breathing. If he doesn’t, he’s going to forget to do it. “Okay, well, the documents you requested are right this way, if you’ll follow me.”

Of course he will.

When she turns around again, his eyes drop to her ass-- not on purpose, he’s not trying to be a creep, but it’s... right there. And it’s... Well. Ben has never found a woman’s ass to be a particularly appealing part of the body, but Rey’s has him rethinking that. It’s just that it’s... really round. And it looks like it would be soft. And he kinda wants to bite it. But he’s not trying to be a creep! He’s not.

Ben resolutely trains his eyes on the back of Rey’s head.

“Were there any letters in particular you were interested in seeing, Professor Solo?” Rey asks, walking over to a keypad and entering a little code, then pulling the doors open.

“Please, call me Ben,” he says. “I wanted to look specifically at the ones between Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala.”

Rey’s eyebrows lift a little, and he knows this is strange, to say the least, all of this is, but he really, really doesn’t want her to ask about that. Not now. Not yet.

“Alright,” she says, “that should be easy enough. Please go ahead and wash your hands and put some of those gloves on while I bring those out. The paper really isn’t fragile enough for there to be much danger, but we’d like to take good care of it.”

“Of course,” he says. “Thank you for all of this, Ms. Jakkuson.”

She draws her lower lip between her teeth and tilts her head to the side, considering him for a minute. Finally, she says, “Call me Rey.”

Then she’s gone, back behind yet another door, and he’s staring into space. “Rey,” he repeats. It fits nicely in his mouth.

 

_My darling Padmé,_

_I do not think I can adequately express to you how much I detest this separation. I understand sometimes we must put aside ourselves and do things for the greater good, but I wish the greater good did not ask this of us. It seems to me a heavy price, to be away from you especially with the recent joyous news of your pregnancy. I hope to be home soon. The war is going as well as war can, I suppose._

_Vietnam is not what one might expect, though I admit I have seen little of it. General Palpatine prefers me to be close to him. It is very hot, but thankfully, I have come across little sand. You know how I detest sand, darling. I know you wanted to hear more of my daily life, but I promise it isn’t interesting. I would much rather hear about you, especially as your pregnancy progresses. I am hopeful I can get leave to visit you in California soon._

_All my love,_

_Anakin_

 

 

Ben looks... almost upset as he reads the letters, and Rey can’t help but feel more intrigued by this man, whoever he is. He doesn’t seem to be the stuck-up asshole she thought he was, anyway. A stuck-up asshole probably wouldn’t have looked at her the way he did with those big eyes and lost expression on his face. A stuck-up asshole wouldn’t have offered so immediately to be on first-name basis with her. Right? And Rey doesn’t think a stuck-up asshole would handle these letters so... _tenderly_? It’s kind of sweet, really, the way his face opens while he reads, and she’s kind of in love with the range of emotions she can read on it.

Oh, God. No, no, she’s not in love with him-- or his face, for that matter-- just the emotion she can see on it. It’s beautiful, to watch someone be that unguarded.

Rey has other things she can do in the room while Ben reads, and she does, filing and sorting and answering emails. Finally, about an hour later, she taps his shoulder and says, “Ben? I think our time is up for tonight?”

“Right,” he says immediately, standing and pushing his chair in. “What do you need me to do?”

“Did you keep those sorted by date?” Rey gestures to the pile of letters he’d obviously read through.

“Yes, of course.” He carefully grabs the stack and hands them out to her. “Um, actually, you can leave those on the table. I’ll get them in a minute.” Rey tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

Ben closes his eyes and sets the letters down. “Right. Of course.”

“Thanks, though.” She smiles at him and reaches out to brush his hand. “I appreciate it.”

 

 

“Oh,” he manages. But as soon as Rey touches his hand, he feels like he’s been electrocuted and his brain stops working a little bit. “Um. Of course.” And he’s now said ‘of course’ at least three times in the last two minutes and God, could he sound any stupider around her?

No, that is not a challenge. Thank you.

“You...” she starts, and he leans in a little bit closer to her. “You didn’t finish the letters.”

“No,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “There are a lot of them.”

She stares at him, her bottom lip tugged between her teeth. “Do you... need to come back?”

“If... if that’s not too much of a bother...”

“Not at all,” she says, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d think she was looking at his mouth. “Does Thursday at three work for you?”

“Yes.” Again, it doesn’t _really_ , but like hell he’s going to say that and miss seeing her again. Incidentally... “Should I meet you at the same place again?” He’ll still come, even if she says she won’t be there because he really does want to finish the letters, but. Well. It won’t be nearly as enjoyable.

“Yeah,” she says, “just at the bottom of that staircase again.” She pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and just... looks up at him.

He really doesn’t know what to do with that.

“Um. I’ll, uh... see you Thursday?” he asks, hands in his pockets, looking between her eyes and his feet.

“Yeah.” Rey smiles at him and waves. “See you then.” And she turns and walks away, and he thinks of that dumb saying his dad would call after his mom: _hate to see you leave, love to watch you go_.

He hates it, but watching Rey’s cute little hips swaying... He kinda gets it.

 

 

**From: Rey**

**To: Ben**

**Sent: December 3, 11:47 am**

hey, u still gonna come by this week?

**From: Rey**

i know it’s kinda busy w/ finals coming up so i get it if u can’t...

**From: Rey**

just thought i’d ask!

**From: Ben**

Of course I’m still coming by! Wouldn’t miss it. 

**From: Ben**

I’ll see you soon :)

 

Rey grins at her phone and that stupid little smiley face, and Rose grins at her. “You're so into him it's sickening,” Rose says.

Rey scoffs unconvincingly. “Am not.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.” Rose rolls her eyes. “No reason I could tell immediately who you were talking to. You definitely don't grin like an idiot anytime you think about him.”

Rey smacks her friend's arm. “Oh, fuck off,” she laughs. “God, you're the worst.”

“No,” Rose says, “if I were the worst, I would've got sick of waiting for you to make a move on a guy who's pretty obviously super into you and I would've said something to him.”

Dread floods Rey's stomach. “Rose... you didn't...”

“No, of course I didn't! I'm just telling you what the bar for ‘the worst’ is and why I don't make the cut.”

“Aw, you could never be the worst anyway.” Rey nudges Rose's shoulder and they smile at each other. “And also-- Ben is not ‘pretty obviously super into me’. Don't be ridiculous.”

Rose snorts. “You don't want _me_ to be ridiculous, and you're sitting here denying that the man is already half in love with you?”

“Don't be silly.” Rey shakes her head and looks away. “He doesn't... feel like that.”

“Really?” Rose raises her eyebrows. “And the physics professor is coming twice a week to look at your historical documents for what, fun?”

“Maybe it’s a hobby?” Rey suggests. 

Rose sighs. “Babe. He gave you his phone number.”

Rey elects to pretend she didn’t hear that. “No, you know what, I've actually thought about this. He wanted to see the Skywalker letters, specifically.”

“The ones Senator Organa donated?”

“No, the other Skywalker letters.” Rey rolls her eyes.

“Asshole,” Rose remarks without heat. “Why those letters?”

“That's just it!” Rey's hands spread and shape the air around her and she almost knocks over a little paperweight on her desk. Maybe she really does talk with her hands. “He's probably not academically interested in them. And asking for particular correspondences between one couple? That's a little niche for a hobby, isn't it?”

“You know,” Rose says absentmindedly, possibly scrolling through Twitter just a little bit, “maybe it's a personal interest. Didn't Leia Organa have a son?”

Rey laughs. “Yeah, okay, sure. Our lives are not that soap-opera. Maybe you shouldn't watch so much _Riverdale_.”

Rose swivels her chair around and glares right at Rey. “For the last time,” she sniffs, “I just like to make fun of it. That's the only reason I watch.”

Rey lifts her eyebrows and turns back to her computer. “Whatever you say.”

 

 

On his way to the library, Ben runs into just about the last person he wants to see.

It's not that he _hates_ Poe. He doesn't. Poe is probably Ben's best friend, actually. It's just... if-slash-when Poe figures out where Ben is going, he's going to mock him. Mercilessly. It’s what he’s been doing since he found out Ben had a thing for the cute archivist. It’s what he’s been doing Ben’s whole life, really. Merciless teasing is what Poe knows, his way of showing affection, he says. It explains why he fits so well with Ben’s family. Maybe better than Ben ever had.

“Solo,” Poe yells, and Ben stops. No chance of pretending not to see him, then.

He turns around. “Hey, Dameron.”

“Where ya headed?” The grin on Poe’s face tells Ben he already knows the answer.

He sighs. “The library.”

“Oh!” Poe exclaims. He claps Ben’s shoulder and waggles his eyebrows. “Got another hot date?”

“For the last goddamn time, Poe...” 

“Yeah, I know.” Poe rolls his eyes. “Not a date.”

“Did you just use _air quotes_?”

“Yes, I did. Not the point. Listen.” Poe slings his arm around Ben’s shoulders. It’s one of his favorite things to do. Like he needs to prove that he isn’t _that_ much shorter than Ben. “I happen to have a source on the inside that says your girl is very, _very_ into you.” He emphasizes the second “very” with a shake.

Ben shrugs off Poe’s arm. “Yeah, okay, sure.”

Poe stops in front of Ben, facing him, and puts his hands on Ben’s shoulders. “Ben. You guys text. That doesn’t scream ‘only professional interest’.”

“It’s easier,” Ben says, but the tips of his ears start to flush.

“Right. So you’ve never talked about anything aside from work?”

_Rey’s favorite color is a tie between green and blue because she grew up in a desert and everything was just brown. She’s not a picky eater. Her favorite meal is steak and potatoes, but she doesn’t eat it very often. She became an archivist because she’s always loved libraries and she would spend basically her whole summers there as a child and her favorite books were always history-based. She hates Philippa Gregory, and Alison Weir annoys her, too._

Ben thinks of all of the things he knows about Rey, and he doesn’t answer Poe. He may have a point.

“Even if we did--”

“Hypothetically, right?” Poe smirks.

“--hypothetically, of course. That wouldn’t mean she likes me, you know... romantically.”

Poe heaves a dramatic sigh. “Oh, Ben...” He shakes his head. “So young, with so much to learn.”

“Don’t be an asshole.” 

Poe returns his arm to its favored place on Ben’s shoulder and starts walking them toward the library. “If she’s initiating conversations, and she’s always there to see you, and she’s looking at your mouth a lot...” He pats Ben’s back. “She _probably_ is, uh... ‘romantically interested’ in you.”

“How do you know how much she looks at my mouth?” Ben says. He immediately regrets that.

Poe gives a gleeful shout of laughter, pats his back again, and jogs away, yelling, “Inside sources!” over his shoulder.

 

 

Rey saves most of her work in the archives themselves for when Ben comes, now. He sits at his place at the table and carefully thumbs through his letters, and she painstakingly cares for old documents and photographs, doing all she can to ensure they’ll last as long as possible. It’s kind of nice, really. Rey doesn’t have many people she’s able to do this with, be quiet and just work, but with Ben... She’s comfortable. She always kind of has been, if she thinks about it.

“Hey!” she says brightly when she sees Ben’s looming form at the bottom of the stairs. “What’s up?”

“Well, the third floor is directly above us...” he deadpans.

“You’re not funny.” “Then why did you laugh?”

Rey pauses. “I didn’t,” she says unconvincingly. “You need to get your ears checked.” Ben snorts and the way he’s looking at her makes warmth shoot through her body. “Okay, sweetheart.” Oh. That... makes her feel a lot warmer. Actually, she might be blushing. She raises a hand to her cheek to check. “Well. Um.” She smiles, a tiny, private little thing, before tossing her head and adopting a bolder voice. “It’s nice to see you agreeing with me.”

“Oh, look who needs their ears checked now. That’s not what I said.”

Rey opens the door ( _their_ door) and holds it for Ben. “Alternative facts,” she shrugs.

Ben shakes his head, a soft laugh escaping him. “Whatever you say.”

 

 

_Dear Mé,_

_I don’t understand why Palpatine’s plan upsets you so. It is what is necessary to establish peace and freedom for the people of Vietnam and halt the global spread of communism. Desperate times, darling. I wish you wouldn’t travel this far into your pregnancy, but I understand. I need to see you as well. My leave begins on 3/29. I’ll meet you in Tokyo. We can discuss this further then._

_All my love,_

_Your Anakin_

 

 

Ben lets out a shaky breath and Rey stops moving. She’s a little bit... attuned to him by now. They’ve been around each other twice a week for over a month now, after all.

“That’s the last one,” he says, and his voice is marked by something stark and sad.

Rey sets her things down and walks over to him. “The last letter? It’s sad, isn’t it?”

He doesn’t answer that. Instead, he asks, “What do you know about them?”

She sits in the chair next to his. “Padmé and Anakin Skywalker?” He nods. “Well, they had a not-very-secret relationship, two kids, Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, born in 1968. Padmé died in childbirth and Anakin never recovered. He was involved in the highly secretive and highly illegal Vader operation in Vietnam, headed by General Sheev Palpatine. Anakin died rather mysteriously just before the New York Times published any news of Operation Vader in the late 80s.”

“What do you know from these?” he gestures to the letters.

“Well, lots more of Anakin’s letters survived. It felt, when I was working on them... Like someone had tried to silence her even after her death. None of her letters that did survive expressed too many opinions, you know? And she was obviously opinionated, if you look at her life. Um... I think the letters show us they were obviously very deeply in love but... Anakin sounds so afraid, doesn’t he? Whatever happened, it was a tragedy.” “Do you think he killed her?”

This is what Ben really wanted to know. She can tell. The way he asks... It’s far too calculatedly casual for him to be indifferent about what she thinks.

She bites her bottom lip. “I... don’t know,” she says finally. “He doesn’t sound very stable at the end, does he? But to actually kill her? I don’t think he would premeditatedly, anyway. Then again, you look at the women and children killed, even by him personally, during the Vader Operation, and you wonder what he might be capable of. It’s impossible to say, really.” Rey looks at him then, really looks at him, and she puts a careful hand on his arm. She wants to be able to kiss him, soothe his sadness, but-- she doesn’t get to do that. Not now, anyway. ( _Maybe not ever_ , the dark voice in the back of her head hisses. _Fuck off_ , she replies.) “Ben? Are you alright?”

 

 _Not really_ , is what he wants to say, but he doesn’t. Instead, he chokes, “Yeah, fine.”

She fixes him with a look. “Don’t lie to me, Ben. You don’t need to do that.” And she asks again, “Are you alright?” 

“No,” he croaks. He shakes his head. “Not really, no.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

_Does_ he want to talk about it? He tells her the truest thing he can say right now. “Not yet.”

She gives his arm a little shake. “That’s okay,” she says. “I’ll be here when you are. Do you want me to talk about something else, or do you want quiet?”

“Talk,” he answers immediately. “Please, talk.”

“Do you have a topic in mind?” “No.” Then he thinks of what Poe might say, and shyly adds another very true thing. “I just like listening to your voice.”

It’s more worth it than he can say to have felt those five seconds of embarrassment to see a light pink flush color her cheeks. “Ben Solo,” she says with a brave attempt at bravado, “someone should’ve warned me you were such a charmer.”

“They didn’t warn you because I’m not.” He winces when he says it, but she laughs again.

“Whatever you say,” she says archly. Then she squeezes his arm and begins telling him about a particularly tricky document that’s either erotic fiction or an ad for tampons from the early 20th century.

 

 

**From: Ben**

**To: Rey**

**Sent: December 3, 9:34 p.m.**

My full name isn’t Ben Solo

**From: Rey**

yeah dummy i know it’s benjamin

**From: Ben**

Rey. I’m trying to tell you something.

**From: Rey**

i’m just tryin to lighten the mood, grumpypants

**From: Ben**

You don’t have to even try to do that.

**From: Ben**

You do it without trying, I mean.

**From: Ben**

Forget I said that.

**From: Rey**

like hell i will i love being complimented

**From: Rey**

anyway, you were trying to tell me something? **From: Ben**

Yeah. Don’t tell anyone this, because I really don’t want everyone to know, but my full name is Benjamin Charles Skywalker Organa Solo.

**From: Rey**

oh wow

**From: Ben**

Yeah, it’s a little weird.

Rey types “so you’re a mouthful in multiple ways” before quickly deleting it. She never would have sent it, but it was nice to type it out anyway. She opts for the much more safe for work:

**From: Rey**

that’s a mouthful

Ben flushes as the image of Rey with her mouth full of him instantly appears in his mind. But... he’s sure that’s not what she meant.

**From: Ben**

Rey... 

**From: Rey**

yes benjamin i do understand the significance of that long list of names

**From: Rey**

assuming your parents weren’t just being trendy or something

**From: Ben**

They were decidedly not. Neither of them are particularly “trendy” people.

Rey grins at the little quotation marks. She’d never really thought of quotation marks as adorable before, but she might need to reevaluate that. Or maybe it’s just Ben, and everything Ben does is inexplicably adorable.

**From: Ben**

Anakin and Padmé were my biological grandparents. I didn’t know until the story broke. In the news. Mom didn’t tell me before that.

**From: Ben**

And she won’t talk about them, but... I need to know.

**From: Rey**

doesn’t seem like the best parenting strategy but what do i know

**From: Rey**

also, i totally get it

**From: Rey**

needing to know about your family, even if they totally suck

**From: Rey**

even if you never knew them and they weren’t really your family anyway

**From: Rey**

totally get it

Ben frowns down at his phone. It’s nice to feel understood, but the way Rey’s talking... he doesn’t like it. He can hear the sadness in her voice, and he really doesn’t like that. Rey doesn’t deserve sadness, not ever.

**From: Ben**

Do you want to talk about it? 

Rey stares at the text for a long time. Not really, that’s the answer. She never really wants to talk about it. But sometimes, she needs to, needs to face what happened every now and then so she doesn’t forget it. It’s not something that should be forgotten, she thinks. Sure, it was shitty, but... The person she is grew from that. And she has to acknowledge it.

**From: Rey**

my mom abandoned me at a police station when i was about three months old. i don’t know her name. i don’t know my real birthday. they gave me the same last name as the officer who found me.

**From: Rey**

the reason i spent summers in libraries was to escape, mostly. get away from my life and go somewhere beautiful, where parents didn't leave unless they had to and the kids found love and belonging, even when the adults in their lives were shit.

**From: Rey**

i’ve always wished i knew more about her and my father, whoever they were, even though my friends say they aren’t worth my time. they weren’t really my family, but i still want to know them. that’s why i get it.

Ben stares at his phone, at a total loss for words. Who... how in the hell could anyone abandon _Rey_? He tries, several times, to type something, but none of it sounds _right_. Tone is so hard to express in writing, anyway. Eventually, he says:

**From: Ben**

Can I call you?

Rey takes a deep breath and types:

**From: Rey**

yes

Her phone rings barely five seconds later and she picks up.

“Rey,” he says immediately, “they aren’t worth your time. Anyone who could abandon _you_ \-- they aren’t. You are worth so much more than that.”

His words have a passion, a conviction she’s never really heard him use before. Like he believes it so strongly that if he just shows her how much he believes it, by the strength of his conviction, she’ll believe it too.

“I know,” she says. “I really do. It’s taken a lot, to figure it all out. But really, I’m okay.”

“Okay,” he says. But he adds, like he felt compelled to, “But you know, it’s okay if you aren’t. Okay, that is. It’s okay to not be okay.” Ben wonders how many more times he could’ve fit the word ‘okay’ into one statement.

“I know,” she says softly, smiling into the phone. “I do feel kind of lonely sometimes, especially when, you know, we just had Thanksgiving, and it seems like everyone goes home for at least a little bit during Christmas break-- but I didn’t mean to make this about me. Sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he insists. “Rey...” he says, but he can’t think of anything else to say, so he just repeats, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Thanks,” she whispers.

She sounds tiny over the phone like this, almost fragile. And Ben knows she isn’t, he knows she’s strong and incredible and such a fighter, but that means... it means she trusts him to see her vulnerable, and that means more to him than he could’ve ever imagined.

“You aren’t alone, Rey,” he says finally. “I mean... I know you have Rose and Finn and your other friends, but... You have me too. If you want me, anyway.”

“Thank you.” Rey bites her lip, then decides she should go for it. Fortune favors the bold, and all. “And I do. Want you, that is.”

Ben gulps. “Oh.” She can’t have meant that in _that_ way, but it sounds a little bit like it, and it’s _doing things_ to him. “Well. You can have me.”

“Thank you for calling,” Rey says, and she swears her adoration of this sweet man has to be bleeding through, her voice just dripping with it, but she doesn’t bother to try and constrain it. Let him know. “It was very sweet of you, Ben. I really appreciate it.”

“Oh. I mean. Um. You’re welcome, Rey.”

“Goodnight,” she says.

“Before ten o’clock?” he teases. “You’re getting old on me, Rey.”

“Actually,” she laughs, “I need to get in the shower and then go to bed.” Ben closes his eyes and wills himself not to think of Rey in the shower-- naked, in the shower, of course, one is always naked in the shower-- which of course means soon, Rey (naked!) in the shower is the only thing he can think about. “Uh,” his voice is embarrassingly rough and he clears his throat, “goodnight, Rey.” 

“Goodnight,” she says again, and she ends the call with a pleased little smile on her face. The way his voice had dropped down about five octaves when she’d mentioned a shower... maybe Rose was onto something. Maybe Ben is at least a little bit attracted to her.

 

 

She's fifteen minutes late to the faculty party in the library-- on purpose, of course. No one ever wants to show up to a party on time. Rey certainly doesn't. If she's late, then she can hopefully skip the awkwardness of having no one to talk to.

Sure enough, Rose and her boyfriend and _his_ boyfriend (it's not that complicated) are standing over by the punch bowl. The big, open hall is beautifully decorated with evergreen garlands and lights and big red bows. This, she thinks, must be what Christmas looks like.

“Rey!” Finn shouts. She crosses the room to them and gives him a hug. “God, feels like I haven't seen you in ages.”

“It's been a hot minute, yeah?” Rey smiles. “I miss seeing you every day.”

“Well, just like every other sorry sucker, we didn’t know what we had until it was gone,” Finn says cheerfully. “Tell me, how’s everything been?” And Rey’s planning on answering him, really, she is, but then a deep voice behind her says, “Rey,” and every thought instantly flies out of her head.

Slowly, she turns around. “Ben. Hi.”

 

Ben’s been at this dumb party for ten minutes, just looking for Rey. He kind of can’t help himself. He hasn’t seen her very much this last week or so; now that he’s done with the letters, he doesn’t really have an excuse anymore. They’ve still been talking, of course, but. It’s not the same as seeing her face.

So as soon as he sees her walk into the room, he makes hasty excuses to whoever the fuck he was talking to, he doesn’t even care, and walks over to her. And when she turns around and says his name, he knows all over again that it’s over for him.

“Oh no,” Poe says overdramatically. It’s a good thing he never wanted to go into acting. He’d be terrible. “Looks like Rey is under the mistletoe.” She is. Because Poe is holding it over her head. And she’s bright red. “Rose,” she says calmly, “remember when I said you were the worst? I changed my mind.”

Rose surveys the scene over the top of her cup, and simply says, “He’s not my boyfriend.” Finn nudges her shoulder, and she says, “What? I’m not sorry for saying that.” Finn laughs. “Didn’t think you would be, Rosie.” 

Ben brushes his hand against Rey’s, calling her attention back to him, and murmurs, “We don’t have to... I don’t have to really kiss you. Or even kiss you at all, if it makes you uncomfortable.”

 

_Fuck it._

Rey takes a deep breath. “Ben, I want to kiss you. Do you want to kiss me?” “God yes,” he blurts.

Rey winds her hands around his neck and pulls him down to her. Her lips are probably the most incredible thing he’s ever felt, moving soft and gentle on his own, and she tastes like the spiked eggnog she’d probably only had a sip of. The kiss only lasts a few seconds, or maybe a few years, it’s impossible to tell. All he knows is Rey’s small body pressed against him and his hand cupping the back of her neck.

“Get a room,” Poe says loudly, which Ben thinks is rich, coming from the person who pushed them into this.

Rey is holding his hand, he notices. Whether this just happened, or has been going on for a while, Ben can’t say, but she’s certainly holding his hand now. “Maybe we will,” Rey retorts. “God, he’s the worst,” she tells Ben in an undertone.

“I heard that,” Poe complains.

“He is, but he means well, so I keep him around,” Ben says.

“Guys, I’m right here!”

“I don’t hear anything,” Rose says. Then she turns to Finn and asks, “Do you?” 

“Uh,” Finn says.

“I think that’s our cue,” Rey whispers. She tugs on his hand, pulling them toward the door. “Come on, let’s go.” 

He follows her obediently. He would follow her anywhere.

 

Rey’s not really sure what she’s planning, but she definitely wants to talk to Ben and maybe actually ask him out, and she’s not going to be able to do that with Finn, Rose, and Poe around. Well, mostly Poe and Rose.

They climb the stairs to the third floor. No one will be there; finals ended a few days ago and there’s only a couple days until Christmas. All of campus has been deserted by the student body, but especially the library.

Sure enough, the third floor is full of books and devoid of people aside from Rey and Ben, which is really perfect. She leads him down a row somewhere away from the door until they’re deeply embedded in the stacks, and she stops. “Do you want to go out with me, maybe?” she asks, lower lip between her teeth and thumb absently rubbing the hand unoccupied by Ben’s.

“Wait, seriously?” he says.

Fuck. She must have missed something, misread the signs somehow. Rose was _wrong_ , goddamn her. Ben does not want to go out with the girl with abandonment issues who’s a good six or seven years younger than him, at least. Oh, God, maybe he has a _girlfriend_ , she never even thought to _ask_ \--

“I never thought you’d want to... um, that you’d be interested... in me,” Ben explains, and Rey’s eyes snap up.

“Really?” she laughs. “I mean... you’re smart, and funny, and hot as fuck, Ben, of course I’m interested in you. Who wouldn’t be?”

“Oh,” he says. She can see the tips of his ears peek through his hair, flushed red. “So are you. I mean, you’re beautiful, Rey.”

He says it so sincerely that Rey feels tears prick her eyes, and she tugs him down to her mouth again. They aren’t in front of anyone this time, so she feels no compunction about kissing him as deeply as she wants.

And it seems he doesn’t either. His hands hold her hips, thumbs drawing circles on the bones there, before one travels up to press on her stomach, spreading out just below her breasts, and the other hovers just above her ass. “Can I...?” he asks, and Rey moans.

“God yes, yes, please, Ben.” She grabs his face, holds it between her hands, and looks him right in the eye when she says clearly, “Do whatever you want to me.” 

Instantly, his hands slide under the skirt of the red dress she’d worn for the party, pushing it up until he can grab the waistband of her lacy black panties and pull them down her legs. (Listen, she hadn’t _thought_ she’d be getting laid, but she knew she was gonna see Ben, so...) He can easily cup her sex with one of his giant hands. And he does. Rey whimpers and rocks into him. He drops to his knees in front of her.

“Hold your skirt up for me, sweetheart,” he commands, and Rey can feel herself _throbbing_.

“Okay,” she whimpers. She clutches her dress like it’s a lifeboat and she’s on the Titanic. Well, someone’s definitely going down, anyway. She laughs a little at her own joke, but then she feels the first swipe of his tongue over her slit, and she’s not laughing anymore. Instead, she moans, and whines his name, and when she does, she swears she can feel him smile.

He grasps a thigh in each hand, pulling them apart, and dives back in. Rey’s had oral before, but she never thought it was great, you know, it was more of a “you-go-down-on-me-and-I’ll-go-down-on-you” thing. Equality, and all. Clearly, she’d never been with someone who wanted to give her head as much as Ben Solo. He ate her out like she was the best thing he’d ever tasted, like he was a condemned man and she was his last meal. One of his hands came up to grope her breast, and she moaned again. Her toes curled until she was only standing on her tiptoes, but she couldn’t make them uncurl even if she could spare the brain energy for that.

It really doesn’t take Ben long to make her come, and she thinks she should maybe be embarrassed about not lasting longer, but Ben looks at her like she’s a goddess, like her coming on his mouth was the best thing he’d ever experienced, and she couldn’t muster any embarrassment if she tried.

“Good girl, you kept holding your dress for me. Thank you, angel.” He kisses her thigh and gets to his feet. “You can drop it now.”

Oh. Rey really likes that. Whatever that is, she really, really likes that. She wants him to keep talking like that.

And it’s like he can read her mind. “Did you know, baby, you’ve got such a perfect little pussy? Tastes so sweet, it’s so wet and hot... I bet you’d be so tight around my cock, wouldn’t you, my precious girl?”

“Yes,” she whimpers. God, where did this man come from? Ben’s usually kind of shy and sweet, and it’s not like he isn’t... but _God_. Then again, he loves to tease her. Maybe she should’ve seen this coming.

 

For some reason, Ben’s feeling brave, and comfortable. But that shouldn’t surprise him too much. This is Rey. He always feels natural around her.

“Please let me fuck you, Rey. Please,” he whispers, harsh and desperate.

“Yes,” she says, rolling her hips against his thigh. “Fuck me, Ben.”

He groans. “Turn around, baby girl. Turn around and hold on to something.” She does, grasping the cold metal of the bookshelf and arching her back so perfectly. “That’s it, my girl.” He runs his hands over her perfect round ass and slaps it. She squeaks, and he grins. “That okay?” 

“Yeah,” she breathes.

He flips her skirt up. “Look at you, my perfect girl,” he cooes. “So beautiful and wet.” “For you,” she promises softly, and he groans. He takes himself out of his slacks and swears. “Shit. I don’t have a condom.”

She looks back at him over her shoulder and says, “What, this doesn’t happen to you often?”

“Sassy,” he says, smiling back at her.

“Well, I’m on birth control,” she says, biting at her lip again. He wants to bite it for her instead. “And I don’t have anything that necessitates a condom.” God, he loves her, using four-syllable words less than five minutes after she’d come all over his mouth.

“I trust you, Ben,” she says softly. “If you say we’re good, we’re good.” Gently, he grabs her jaw and pulls her face around before kissing her, hard and deep. “We’re good,” he says. She moans and rubs her ass against him.

“Fuck me,” she whines. “Please, Ben.”

He lines himself up with her entrance and pushes in slowly. He was right. She's the tightest fucking thing he's ever felt and he thinks he's about to lose his goddamn mind. She moans and pushes back against him, and when he's finally bottomed out inside her, he has to close his eyes and recite Newton's laws of physics to keep himself from coming. Slowly, he begins to move, thrusting slowly and shallowly at first. Rey grabs one of his hands and moves it from her hip to her chest. He kneads her breast and she moans again.

“Harder,” she begs, “please, I need more.”

Who is he to deny her?

He gives her what she wants, snapping his hips into hers as she writhes beneath his hands. He moves his hand from her breast to rest on her throat, not squeezing, just holding her there. His other arm wraps around her hips and he pulls her back so his chest is flush with her back. She sighs and leans her head back on his shoulder, her eyes sliding closed as he thrusts up into her. He brings a hand down to rub at her clit and whispers, “Come on, Rey, beautiful girl. Come for me, angel.” She does, like his voice was what pushed her over the edge, crying out his name so loudly he brings his palm up to muffle her mouth. And the feel of her, beautiful and wet and tight, coming around him-- it makes him come too, biting down on her neck and groaning as he finishes inside her.

 

Rey turns in Ben’s arms to kiss him, slow and soft. She likes this. She likes kissing him. Specifically, kissing him after sex. They should. Uh. Do this more often.

Ben holds her, his hands rubbing her back, as she buries her face into his neck and just breathes him in, the smoky-sweaty scent of him, as she comes down from her high. He’d just made her come _twice_. During a quickie in a library that was definitely the best sex she’d ever had. They should _definitely_ do this more often.

“What are you doing tonight?” she says into the side of his neck.

“Pretty sure my schedule just cleared up,” he says. He pulls her panties out of his pants pocket and offers them to her. “Here.” She puts them back on and he tucks his dick back into his pants, zips himself up.

“Well, I should probably go to the bathroom, but after that... do you maybe want to get dinner together? Date number one?” Ben circles his arms around Rey’s hips and presses his nose to her hair. “I’m pretty sure we weren’t supposed to do _that_ until date number three, anyway.”

“We can totally count all those times in the archives together,” he murmurs. “They were dates and we just didn’t know it.”

She laughs. “Good plan. I’m gonna text Rose and tell her we left.” “Together?” “You know, I think they already figured that out.”

Ben keep his arm slid around Rey’s waist as they leave the stacks. “Well, Poe’s not that bright, but even he might’ve cottoned on to that.”

She laughs again and leans against him in the elevator. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she lets herself hope this is how it will be for the rest of their lives.

 

 

Somewhere in his mother’s attic is a letter that was never donated. Ben won’t find it until after Leia dies. Part of it, at least, goes like this:

_Dear Luke and Leia,_

_I’m sure nothing will happen to me, but this pregnancy hasn’t been easy on me, so I’m writing this as a just-in-case. In case something happens, and I don’t get to see you grow up. I love you. I love your father too. I don’t know what’s going to happen to him, but I love him, anyway. I want you to know that, no matter what. You two were never an accident or a mistake. You will grow to do wonderful, wonderful things. I really believe that. Even though I haven’t held you yet, I already know you are the most perfect humans to ever exist. I love you so, so much._

_Love,_

_Mom_

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!


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